Finding Purpose In Change

My life changed a year ago – I mean, it’s unrecognizable from what it was.  Life before was  a corporate office, cubicles and business casual – in marketing.  Today it’s  a construction site,  a construction trailer and steel toe boots.  I am an Assistant Superintendent for a builder, a woman “Super” with a little industry knowledge and so much to learn.  I didn’t just wake up on the site one day, with a caulking gun in my hand, and not remember what happened.  Certain events, like my husband leaving and my contract marketing job going bye-bye, led me to this new life.  I tread water in the newness everyday – afraid that I can’t … build houses, read a plot plan, figure out how to make this new life work. The questions running a constant loop in my mind – “Why?”  “What’s the purpose of this?”

Unexpected changes in life are painful and scary.  In the end, change – big or small, good or bad –  leads you somewhere  better, someplace stronger.  Change you didn’t plan on, didn’t ask for and didn’t want is like a bitch-slap across your face.  But – how do you find purpose behind the change?

Most days I say I’ve been pushed out of my comfort zone – maybe I’m just be in an episode of “The Twilight Zone”.  (for those of you born in 2000 or later – The Twilight Zone was a t.v. show based on people in surreal situations or nightmares.)

Managing Anxiety During Change

Change brings anxiety, it’s never comfortable.  It helps to believe that the events in your life – give you something, teach you something or set you on a new path.  I’ve battled anxiety my entire life.  So, if I hadn’t found some good amongst the chaos, I would have gone crazy.  My detour to construction started with a divorce, and the end of a Marketing Coordinator job.  My husband was leaving at the same time my source of income disappeared.  I was offered a job for a builder and took it with the intention of getting back into marketing ASAP.   But my life didn’t follow that intention.  So, I had anxiety on top of anxiety, a constant pit in my stomach.

Thirteen months later, my divorce behind me, I am at a construction site in Aurora, CO.  With a dry sense-of-humor and a growing list of knowledge including; how to caulk a  counter top, what a knee wall is and how to install a charlie bar.  I am more comfortable and confident every day.  Some might even say I am a “Bad A$$”

Tired of the fear and the questions, I got quite long enough for the answers to come.  I looked at what my new life was showing me, what the challenges in this job were giving me – besides anxiety.  I realized that this job is actually forcing me to execute – to just figure it out and “do it” – no matter how scared I am.  My life before the change hit, I let myself quit.  I’ve told myself that I am not enough and it’s ok to walk away from a challenge.

Self doubt has no place in the construction industry.  My life before was centered on self-doubt.  It’s making me face a habit from childhood – giving up because I told myself “I can’t”.  On the job site – “I can’t” isn’t an option.  I asked myself – what cosmic reason was I in this place in my life?  The answer that came back – I am meant to face a childhood self-esteem issue – my lack of it.  This change is setting me up with new skills and new confidence to create great things in my life.

Everyday – I thank the universe for this job – for its challenges and its victories.  While I do wish I didn’t have to drive to the grocery store to pee (I don’t like the porta-pottie) – I am becoming a bada$$!  When you find yourself in a strange new place in life – stop and ask – “What is this change showing me?”  The answer may pleasantly surprise you.