A narcissistic discard leaves you stunned and broken, haunted by unanswered questions.  Normal breakups crush your heart – a narcissistic discard squeezes your spirit, shatters your life and stuns your reality.  You pray for unconsciousness so the torturous analyzing and relentless quest for answers/closure will finally stop.

I started asking questions and answering them for myself.  One universal answer; it’s so painful because the narcissist keeps all the power – they give you answers,  they ignore you,  they hold your closure for ransom.

The only way to heal is to separate your life and identity from the narcissist – don’t depend on them for answers, closure, mercy.  Anything.  You control your own healing – how and when.  Take that power back.  We believed their stories – but they lied.  Their discard only becomes a tragic ending if you stay tied to the narcissist.  Change the story – It’s yours to write now.

I was drowning in fear, terrifying thoughts of loneliness, being sad for the rest of my life, wondering and hoping he would regret leaving – when it hit me like a lightening strike – all these thoughts and self-torture keeps me tied to that man.  I sat still long enough to examine what lay beneath the pain – three main questions and answers emerged.

  1. THE QUESTION: What insecurity is this discard triggering? That I’m not enough?  That my life will be horrible without him?  That I can’t do life without him?  That he was right, I am worthless?

THE ANSWER:  He left because that’s his sadistic nature.  I am the same person before and after the discard – his leaving doesn’t define me – I define me!!

  1. THE QUESTON: What will closure give me or validate for me? Will him explaining why make me feel better?  Am I worthy of love if he gives me closure?

THE ANSWER: Differentiating your identity and life from the twisted reality they fed you is your own closure.  A narcissist wouldn’t close a door for you let alone wrap up the ending they planned for you in a bow or leave you with any peace.  The peace you seek will come from within.

  1. THE QUESTION: What story am I telling about my life and me now that the narcissist is gone? Is my story that I will be alone forever?  Is there no happiness after the narcissist?  Ever again?  That this story is happening to you – out of your control?  All the good left along with your narcissist?

THE ANSWER:  The sad, miserable story becomes your life or reality if that’s what you believe.  So, don’t believe it – the truth is – you can and will find love again – only this time you’ll heal what you need to and the love will be real.  You can use the pain to understand your insecurities and heal them.  The pain and confusion stems from the idealization phase – the narcissist’s story – fictional story.  You are trying to get back to that idealization – it wasn’t real!  Write your own ending or beginning of the next story.

Asking and answering these questions returns your power to its rightful owner – YOU!  Don’t stop at these three questions.  Question everything – find your truth and start to heal on your terms – not the narcissist’s.

Namaste!